When I was little I was so sure I was going to be a herbalist, I was going to be self-sufficient, live in the mountains and heal myself with the bountiful world around me. So how find myself in university admin I don’t really know… it just kind of happened when I wasn’t looking.
So today wasn’t the greatest days. Looking at it rationally, nothing drastic happened, no-one died but it was one of those days when you sit staring at your screen, seven hours after getting into work and wondering to yourself just where it all went wrong. At what point did I give up my dreams of a life in the wilds harvesting herbs, breathing deeply, doing yoga and wearing cheesecloth? (Ok then remembered that it had something to do with wanting a mortgage, a fondness of warm water and the inability for anyone to look good in cheesecloth..) but I haven’t given up on my dreams completely, I’m just taking the scenic route to get there.
Plus, it’s good practice to readjust your view of your daily life every so often, that way you can re-focus your efforts and prevent pressure sores.
Bottom-line: I don’t think I am designed to work in an office. This fact is hampered by the fact that I’m occasionally good at it and that I love my wonderful work family. The work itself isn’t bad, it’s just frustrates me when things happen which are beyond my control and find myself awake at night neurotic about whether or not I’ve used the right parameters for filtering my results and as a result of this, whether I’ll end up looking like a moron who is only just keeping a lid on her crazy.
And why am I worrying? Am I going to lie on my death-bed and wish that I had managed to more accurately display data? No, I’ll hopefully be thinking that re-trying fire juggling was a bad idea in my 90’s but what the hell? The grandkids got some amazing photos.
So I appear at work, saddle up the software and ride the wild rollercoaster of data… I work in phases, I have moments of zen like concentration followed by periods of absolute drivel. My brain will be trying to work out averages and percentages, whilst simultaneously battling the urge to sing hits from the Sound of Music or ask random questions to the people around me.
(NB: Julie Andrews wouldn’t be at all worried about data, she would sing a classic show-stopper about curtains and punch a Nazi in the face).
So today (well this week really) hadn’t gone to plan and I was having a proper strop. In true Maria Von Trapp style I decided to count my blessings (What would Julie do?) I have a job, I have lovely colleagues, I have a home, I have a wonderful partner and brilliant kids… I am blessed with friends and mad animals, my health and a lovely family. I have everything I need right now…
Julie Andrews is a legend.
So by the time I got off the train, I wasn’t feeling as mopey… I opened the front door and the cherry-on-the-cake greeted me.
Poppy’s new ‘dog-socks’. (Poppy cut her foot a few weeks ago and had developed a habit of biting her feet, the vet suggested a week or so of dog socks…) I can’t put my finger on why exactly I found it so funny, was it her bewildered face? The odd look she gave me? Or the way she pranced around the house like Bambi with no knees… Who knows? But I flopped on to the rug in complete hysterics, still in my coat and hugged her like mad for dispelling my bad mood once and for all.
So the chickens are safely in bed in the coop, the furries are snoozing on my feet – I switch on my computer to find that the Shortlist Gallery is up for the Magic Oxygen Literary Prize and as I add that to my list of reasons to be happy (and excited and amazed and overwhelmed!!) I realise that everything is going to be just fine.
So I may not know quite where I am going or how I have got here, I may not know how I am going to continue but I have love, excellent company and Julie Andrews. Who could want for more?